Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Chapter One: Get Gone

Usually a story starts with point A and ends with point B. I find starting from point A is boring, unnecessary, and intrusive. So what if I had braces when I was twelve or if I fell out of a tree when trying to impress some boys? The information is useless and irrelevant, so I shall skip point A and start somewhere around point G. Point G is where my actions led to, where my consequences finally caught up with me, and when reality decided it was time to slap me in the face.

I came home late for dinner as usual. My parents said nothing as I passed them and headed straight to the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator to discover no leftovers, as usual, and made myself some Mac & Cheese. I didn’t plan on staying I had the full night ahead of me and I couldn’t wait to leave. I scoffed down my food as quickly as I could, frowning as I stared at the god awful yellow wallpaper. ‘God, we’ve lived here for twelve years now and they still can’t change the color?’ 

As I was washing my plate the doorbell rang, I looked at the clock on the microwave, ‘who would be here this late at night?’ I turned off the sink and listened. My parents turned off the T.V. and were talking very nervously to this visitor. “Jade! Can you come in here for a second?” my mother yelled from the hall.

Slowly I walked to the living room with my nerves rising up my spine. Nobody ever came to my house for me; I rarely ever gave people my home address. Everyone was sitting silently and instantly moved their tense glances to me when I entered the room. The strange woman was plump and very casually dressed. I tried to place where I have seen here before, but no luck.
“Please Jade, take a seat.” The woman said to me motioning to sit next to my father.
“No thanks, I think I’ll stand.” I said impatiently, “What is this, an intervention?”
Silence filled the air as my body filled with anger. The strange woman noticed this and started to talk first. “My name is Dr. Tomatic.” She paused as if rolling her eyes at the situation, “Look, Jade, your parents have decided-“
“-Decided that we can’t handle you anymore.” My mother interrupted. “You are no longer a daughter, just a stranger who comes home to eat and sleep, and even those are a rarity.”

I couldn’t contain myself; I felt the anger crash through me like a tidal wave. I was speechless. Everyone stared at me waiting for me to explode. My father stood and took a step towards me.
“Jade, as your father-“
“No! Don’t you even fucking start with that! You are not my father!” I pulled on one of my braids, “See this?! I’m a blonde! I remember my father being blonde even if I was ‘too small to remember’!”
“Jade!” My mother yelled, “This is not the time to discuss this! For once can you just keep your anger under control?!”
Dr. Tomatic cleared her throat so powerful that it would stop Hitler in his tracks. “It’s a long trip and I have children at home, so I’d appreciate it if you went to pack. I’ll be waiting for you down here.”
I turned around refusing to look at my parents and swiftly walked up the steps. ‘If they want me gone, fine, I’ll be gone.’

My room had always felt strange to me, recent years I barely lived in it. People who’d I have shown it used to laugh at all the elephants and how it looked like something out of a furniture magazine. All the information seeped in as I stared holes into my neglected bedspread. Here I was gaining my wish to leave this god-awful place; I only wished it was on my own terms and not theirs.  Pushing back the tears, I made no haste in packing for my future home.
 Dr. Tomatic was checking her cell phone impatiently by the front door when I finally had all my stuff packed.
“You ready?” she said looking down at my two suitcases. 
I nodded and without a word I walked out the front door and I walked straight towards the cab. I had no clue if my parents were watching me leave or not, either way, I never looked back.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Prologue: Blue to Grey

A wise woman once said, "It's a silly time to learn to swim when you start to drown." I have always kept that quote in the back of my mind. It wasn't until we met that I understood what it meant.

I read about you in the paper today. I'm sorry to hear about her. I'm sorry to hear about you. She was quite a lovely girl, and you were quite a lovely boy. I suppose I should say man and woman now, but I still imagine that gleam of youth in your eyes everytime I think of you. The gleam that spoke of the yearning of new experiences, young love, young naiveness.

When you told me about the engagement, I could see the gleam she put back in your eyes. I was so shocked to see you so happy once again, I had no idea what to say. To this day I'm not sure what I should have said.

I think back to the days. To our days. Our days of happiness and our days of sadness. Then I remember that day. That day where everything became black. Where everything burned. The gleam was no longer there. Nothing was no longer there. The depression swallowed you whole and left not a single scrap behind.

Maybe if I didn't just sit there and watch you fade away. Maybe if I just kept trying to comfort you. Maybe if I just said something that could have helped. I can't help but wonder if I could have saved us. If you could have saved us.

I did not write this to apologize or to even bring up old memories. I gave what I gave. I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over. I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.

Sunday, June 13, 2010